Well, with more free time on my hands and less anxiety about opening up my laptop I can care free type away at another blog post. Which I do enjoy very much. I don't have much to report about this week other than I survived and am glad to have another week in front of me. I faced some anxious times as I have been fighting off a migraine of sorts for the last 5-6 days. I'm not sure if it's a migraine or a tension head ache from my constant bad posture at work and home. I am leaning more towards a tension head ache though because after a little self massage guided by a youtube physical therapist my headache felt a lot better and I woke up with no headache and have managed to go almost all day without feeling any noticeable pain. I would like to say I'll make it a nightly routine but like stretching and meditating I just haven't made a habit of it yet....(Oren has just gotten out of bed and I'm going to have to put him back to sleep.)
My posture is pretty terrible at work and at home. I'm always looking down at something it seems and cranking my neck down. I really enjoy being outside on walks and getting to look up at the sky and the trees. Makes my neck feel good and my mind. I like taking the boys on long wagon rides through the neighborhood. each walk is a little over a mile, sometimes over 2 miles. Each mile is around 25 minutes too when pushing or pulling the wagon. I like to push the wagon so I can see what the boys are doing in front of me. As they have gotten older they are starting to kick and hit and all those things that little boys do. I love the walks we take and the usual sights we see. I thank God each and every day, multiple times a day, for the wonderful kids I have. Something I never thought of as a younger man, having kids, but now I couldn't imagine life without them. Makes me wonder what the next stage of life will be like: Life after kids. Is it freedom? or perhaps a little more boredom. A little longing for something else. I have thoughts like that often, of what it must be like to have grown up children and what it's like when they don't come around for so long. Being in the Army for 7 years before moving back to my hometown for recruiting I saw my parents around once a year on average I'd say. I'm sure that they missed me alot, I definitely missed them as well but I think it may have been easier for me to not dwell on it having to deal with the all engulfing army life. I feel now, being home, that the army is far less engulfing now. It feels more like a strict job than a voluntary prison sentence. A voluntary prison sentence... perhaps that's a little harsh. After all, I am getting paid, promotions, and a retirement at the end of it. I should be more grateful for it. I could have easily been turned away from military service by my recruiter and the life I know now could have disappeared like an alternative narrative in a not so parallel universe.
An old family friend, who I'll call hop, was recently readmitted to the hospital and subsequently released back to his house this week. He was going in to renal failure after a day or two of, from what I can gather, being undecided on what he wanted. After a day of no dialysis and feeling like death he decided it wasn't for him. Hop was of regular attendance of Iola Missionary Baptist Church when I went many moons ago so I know him to be a God fearing man. I think that he may have had a nice long talk with our Lord on that day he decided he wanted to go back to the hospital and live. He's had a rough few years, so I can't really judge him for what he put himself through this week. He has lost his mom, dad and grandmother all in the last 3-4 years I think. Perhaps less than that. He lived with those three almost his entire life and so they were a very close family. I can't imagine that kind of loss. I pray for him now and I want to talk with him soon. In person if I can, but he's under self quarantine right now. I just think of him and wonder what he and God talked about this week. I want to ask him what his prayers were, what answers God gave him. I wish I could say my faith was bigger than it is. I wish I could just walk in the doors of a church with no coronavirus worries and be with fellow worshippers. I have taken even that for granted. IMBC is 30 minutes away but I wish I could have driven there this morning. If I were single and no kids than I would attend wearing a mask but I couldn't expose myself more than I already do for work. I pray for a vaccine soon so that we can, as the news moguls want us to believe, get back to a "new" normal.
Tomorrow I will, God willing, wake up and work out. I haven't decided what I should do yet. Mondays have almost always been a run day since joining the Army. I have the complete freedom to choose my workouts now and for that I am thankful. I miss the group setting quite a bit though. The other guys get you through some of the really tough workouts and they will push you more than you by yourself. I am pretty good at pushing myself, sometimes. Perhaps a nice sprint and sled drag session tomorrow? I don't want to do that at all but perhaps that's what I need to do.
This week I kept one of those small gideons Bibles in my pocket and read a few chapters from Psalms each day. It felt pretty good and was a great daily reminder of what's important and who is important. One thing that stuck out to me in the 2nd chapter was that kings and those all powerful on earth are nothing compared to God. The men behind the curtains in this country and others who secretly wage multi-trillion dollar wars and order this and that have nothing on God. That really stuck out to me. Being in the military and knowing exactly where you stand in the rank structure has a really grounding effect sometimes when you consider all those above you. I, a staff sergeant, am usually in charge of a platoon of around 30 soldiers. Sometimes that gets to my head and so it's nice to be humbled by reading the Psalms and reading how none of that crap matters to God. It's nice to read it and be humbled versus being humbled by God himself or the next higher rank! I pray I am able to become more humble. I shaved my head today, not bald but down to a 1/8in. I like having a shaved head. I feel slightly more humble and disciplined. Like a monk almost, but blended in more to regular society. After all, plenty of people shave their heads like me. I inwardly hold on to the idea that shaving my head is my own way of discipline and a forced humbleness as I can't be vain about a shaved head. It is also very convenient as I only have one soap in the shower to use and I don't need to pay good money to cut my own hair. Back in 2014 I bought a pair of Wahl clippers, just the regular old base model with the guards from 1/8in to a whole inch and these $20 clippers has probably saved me more than 500 bucks in haircuts over the years. Each time I cut my own hair I save myself 20-30 bucks. I've paid 40 dollars for a haircut before and never again. I've always thought too that if I ever start to lose my hair that I won't prolong the process with a comb over or cling to what's left and that I'll just shave it off and be bald. I've been bald before and have gone through a few stages of shaving my head slick. It's a lot of work at first but it gets easier. Somedays I eagerly think of that so I can shave my head bald all the time. Ah well, until then I guess I shouldn't take my youthful mane for granted either!