Kids and Questions.

    You know, I don't give my kids enough credit for how much they remember and understand. Today at church, which is the first time attending Sunday service at this new church, my oldest son (5yrs) had to sit with us through the main service. He attended Sunday school from 0900-1015ish and then the church policy is that all kindergarteners and up have to sit through the service. Which I think is great; it teaches them patience and reverence which is kind lost on some younger kids these days I feel with TV shows being on demand and YouTube being on every device. Anyways, he asked me what the communion packet was for, you know, the plastic cup of juice sealed with a little wafer sealed on top of that? Naturally I didn't have time to explain it to him and I certainly wasn't going to shortchange him an answer.

    I guess his question really got me to thinking about how it is my (and my wife's) responsibility to ensure he, and his two younger brothers, grows up learning the gospel story so he can one day make his own profession of faith. I emphasize that because my wife, when my son asked what it was, kind of looked at me and I think may have said something about getting a communion packet for my son, but I know that it wouldn't be right for my son to partake until he understood and accepted all that it meant. This evening, before bed while my wife was putting the 2yr old down, I took my two older boys to the living room and explained a very abbreviated gospel story to them. To which they already knew kind of because my 5-year old finished one of my sentences and then the younger one said "and then we will all go to heaven!", to which I was kind of awestruck for a second. The are only four and five but already kind of have a grasp of that stuff. I read them a part of a kids version of the bible for the better part of one to two years and it kind of seemed as if they didn't pay that much attention. In children's church at our last church I would often press them on the ride home about what they had learned that day and the usual response was either very generic or the whole "I don't know" thing. My assumptions about these answers and their seeming lack of attentiveness during bible story time were very wrong; I was very happy about this.

    It makes me very happy and I feel very satisfied knowing that they are really starting to grow up and know the gospel story in very broad strokes. I feel as if that's how it should be: a child grows up learning the general overview of the bible stories and the gospel and as you age you start to fill in the details. Day by day, one lesson, sermon, devotional or revelation at a time you fill in every last tiny shade of the whole until you die. Hopefully by then the canvas of your testimony and understanding of salvation is clear and accurate; something to be yearned for within the lifetime of all people. I must remind myself constantly that this is my calling and that the mastery of worldly craft and techniques are fleeting but that real devotion is found within they study of God's word and God's Grace. 

    Sometimes my kids act like turds but I love them to death and I am grateful and humbled that they can bring such thoughtfulness and revelation to me about things of God. 

   

Late August Update

     Since the last update in April I have moved my family back to North Carolina to start my new chapter in the Army; but I had the Army move all of our crap for me! Despite this, it's been a rough couple of months. We are finally on the other side though and are taking a well deserved vacation until I sign into my new unit in October. 

    The months of work from April until my leave started in July was kind of a sprint. I put as many people in the Army as possible and helped out as much as I could. I did this mostly because I didn't want to be questioned or have to fight to get all of my leave days approved but partly because that's just who I am anyways and with my time coming to a close in that office I felt the need to give what I could. Despite recruiting being probably one of the worst environments to work in, especially in the military, I enjoyed the guys I worked with and felt some satisfaction knowing I may have changed the lives of others. I at least got a big plaque in memory of my time there to hang up in my house; this is a norm for when someone leaves a unit but 10 years in service and this is the first one I've ever gotten. I appreciated the sincere goodbye's from the guys at the office more though.

    The move itself wasn't that bad either but the duration of it probably will contribute to new gray hairs. The week before the move I ran around the house shedding unwanted crap we had accumulated over the 3 years of living there. I brought everything down from the attic in the summer heat which made me appreciate David's job much more! The day before the mover's come to pack I took TV's off the walls, disassembled beds and other furniture and attempted to make a pile of no pack stuff that would go on the road trip with us.

    Between the two days of packing and loading onto the truck I was completely wiped. Picking up stuff and walking it to the truck when it's over 100 outside is no fun. Then when the house was empty going through and cleaning it from top to bottom. The only thing left in that house after I closed the door were the keys I got when I rented it.

    We spent the night a few nights at my parents house during this time up to the Sunday before we headed out on the road. The goodbyes were long and somber; as to be expected for such an event. We had a good 3 years there in College Station. We made a lot of memories and spent plenty of family time together. It just never seems like enough though. 

    The road trip went underway and my turn signals went out. Fuse blew because of what I found out was a combination of a bad relay, bad stop light switch and some loose wiring. 1200 miles with no cruise control (courtesy of the faulty brake switch) and no turn signals my '97 chevy made it to North Carolina with no other hiccups. I had one day of "rest" before the movers came with our stuff. My wife and I spent our day of rest cleaning our house; the old tenants seriously must have just been animals judging by what they left behind. Our stuff came intact with no losses... pheew!! The hardest part was the next 6 days of organizing, moving, throwing away, putting away, hanging up and shaking out all of our crap into place in the much bigger house. On top of getting our reptiles set up in a room of their own.

    We spent the night our first week back with my in-laws which was pretty cool as they recently bought a big house in the woods for the boys to muck around in. My wife and I were pretty excited to tour their new grounds as well; mostly to search for reptiles in the wild! I didn't spend much time their as I was fixing up our house but every evening we ate and talked until I couldn't keep my eyes open around 9pm after working like a dog all day.

    We have been moved into our house now for around a week and have fine tuned the placement of our stuff and I have settled my garage area and become very acquainted with my tool kit and it's shortcomings, even having to add to it quite substantially in the electrical department for some repairs. The boys are happy with the new house and haven't skipped a beat with their usual rowdy all boy attitudes. BethAnne and I have been searching for a new church and believe we may have found what God has had in store for us; We'll find out more tomorrow evening at class and on Sunday morning. 

    I can sit here and relax, for the most part, and drink an old favorite beer of mine only available in this part of the state. There's a lot more to do and worry about in the future, even the near future, but for the next few weeks I am on paid leave and will attempt to take it easy before letting the Army have their way with my time again. God willing, I'll find out my new job soon and mentally and spiritually begin preparing for it.  

Easter Season update

     It is Good Friday, 07 April 2023. Yesterday, after months of of waiting ever so impatiently I got the email: I have hard copy orders bringing me and my family back to Fort Bragg. I know what Brigade I will be in, but not what specific unit. We are thankful to have been so fortunate as to get orders back to Bragg but also saddened that our time here is coming to a close.

    It hardly seems like it's been 2.5 years since we moved here to start my time in recruiting; I guess that time really does start to slip away the older you get. My folks are pretty sad to come face to face with the impending time line of my change of station/new assignment. I don't blame them and sympathize with them having kids of my own and imagining myself in the same shoes. Still, I must do what I have to do. I cannot sustain my family comfortably here and I feel called back to the service of the troops; I secretly wish to go back to being a platoon sergeant and dealing with all the nonsense of a staff position for a chance to interact with young troopers again. Only 3 years ago I felt the exact opposite but having seen the other side of the coin I would rather deal with the operational Army instead of the recruiting side.

    I would like to reflect on some lessons or wisdom learned while here in USAREC. Certainly I will come out the other side a little wiser, a little older and perhaps with a slower run time but I will take the good with the bad.

1) When your outcomes are reliant on human decisions (Human decisions being a choice that is made both with the logical and emotional sides of your mind) you can only hope to influence the outcome; at the end of the day, it's a roll of the dice and you have to roll with the punches. For example, you can talk an applicant logically into joining but they may wrestle with the emotional aspect of leaving "home" and may go through the entire process to enlist but not sign a contract at literally the last minute. When this happens, as it has happened to me, I chalk it up to the game and try to move on without holding too much against them. 

2) Honesty is the best policy. The truth beneath a lie will almost always come to bite you in the rear sooner or later and almost always with much more consequence than you would have suffered from an initial truth telling. This is especially true when dealing with administrative paperwork that gets saved to a database that never deletes but only archives any and all submissions. I could, and I have before, looked at every single paper I signed at 19 years old back in 2013 when I was in the recruiters office. There is no foreseeable future where this system is to go offline. 

3) If something is free then you are the product. This applies in many different areas of life but I found myself seeing how the Army uses tactics of "free" to gain a product, outcome or data. The table set up is the perfect example: I sit at a table with all my Army goodies and a young man comes up to inquire. I make some small talk about the Army, the young man's interest and offer up a free item. throughout the conversation I get a first/last name, age, approx ht/wt, some personal interests/family history and at the end I ask simply for an email or phone number to be written down on the sign in sheet so I can prove to my boss I talked to people that day. The young man having received a "free" gift will feel in some way obliged, happily or warily, to provide the contact info and then a farewell is initiated. Rinse and repeat. At the end of the day I build this newly acquired profile into the system for all Army recruiters in my station to have access to start solicitation. So many others will do something in the same manner, I have become very wary. 

There is more I learned, probably some more important lessons than this but I just wanted to jot some things down today. 

Feb 2023 Update

 I sit at my usual table at the TAMU RELLIS campus do type this update. I say my usual as if it infers some sort of regularity to which I come to this physical place but I have not been here in months. It is a dead zone for me to recruit from but it is a great place to be left alone while still being in a space I am comfortable and can connect to the internet for free. 

The holidays are long behind, the spring is soon to be upon us. Perhaps a few more cold snaps will come but the warm days outnumber the cold by a large margin the last month. My boys have become angsty tots having been cooped up inside the house for the winter and chomp at the bit starting a little after the sun comes up to be released into the backyard to terrorize the turf and dirt. My wife, in the time since the last update, started and ended her employment with TAMU. It was quite emotional. Babysitters came and went in uncouth and inconsiderate ways. My wife once again became torn between being home and going to work; being at home eventually being the choice we made and the sacrifice she will have to bear until the kids are off to school. The boys suffered the worst of it, having to see two different babysitters during this time frame and be without mom or dad during the weekday working hours for a few months. In the end, we learned valuable lessons about what we value most and what is really important. God guiding us towards the decision we made. 

I now have a tentative projection to report back to the regular Army. This time being assigned to a Combat Aviation Unit. After talking with a few people it may prove to be less exciting that I initially had hoped. I toyed with the idea of calling different companies within the brigade to try and get a slot with them in order to guarantee my pinpoint assignment within the unit. I have decided that I am incapable of making the best decision as both my pride and sense of selfish wisdom will cloud me from seeing the right choice. No matter what, I trust God will guide the rest of my career in the Army. I have chosen, mentally, that I should focus on being the best leader to the soldiers under me and not pursue any selfish desires with Army assignments or schools. Should they be offered to me I will consider it an open door and consider it after prayer. 

I have really dug back into photography in the last few months; it has become somewhat of an escape from my job but I think I need to reframe the way I see it. I would like to see photography as not a hobby I have as if it were some skill to master but rather see it as a sort of gift/opportunity from God to help serve His purpose and serve others. I imagine serving at church events by photographing the events and letting the church do what they will with the media. At the same time, taking pictures of my own and interpreting the content to others through a spiritual lens. Anyone can take decent street photos but I think it's how we think about the content that really matters. Some will say that street photography is about capturing a moment, an emotion, a scene, etc. I would like to argue that each street photo can show us, in some form, a problem to pray about, a blessing to praise for, a new way to look at someone or something the way God would like us to see based upon scripture. This is a thought/concept I have been bouncing around in my mind. For the moment, I am just taking photos and posting to Instagram, the only social media I participate. Even so, under a pseudonym. 

I feel the urge today to also physically prioritize some thoughts about my life. Not that I am super confused about what needs to be where in the mental totem pole of my priorities but I think I would like to be able to physically see it. Even if it is on a screen. I will not disclose that in this format but a private document.